Monday, November 22, 2010

Things people don't tell you about pregnancy....

Hello...I am officially a major slacker when it comes to my little blog...!!  Bad mama!  
So much has happened in the past few weeks.   Lots of growth (me and the peanut) and tons of big life changes for J and I too.

Let's see...where to start...  We just moved into our new house!!
We ended up hiring movers and getting everything packed ourselves prior so we could just roll in on the move day.   Seriously people... DO up and hire people to move your stuff and save the headache!!  It is not that much $$ and it was fantastic.  I mean, you still have to unpack everything once its in - but having someone help us with the heavy lifting was amazing.  I think it saved both J and I a ton of mental and physical anguish ;)   Which is always nice...   
So the house is probably....2.5 times larger then anything we've lived in and we have a ridiculous amount of storage space ie: awesomeness - but now we sit and look around and go....what are we going to put here!?!? 

This means...we can buy big kid furniture now!  Which is exciting...but scary b/c it usually comes with big kid prices...and we don't have 'bud light' taste let's just put it that way.   Our "Ikea" specials have served us well - and so we're using the things we own for now - and will probably just slowly get things.   Really fun to think about though. :)  

So back to the title of my post...

I've been slowly growing (literally) into being pregnant - and enjoying the whole amazing process of growing a person.  She's really becoming the little active person in there ie: way more "real" to us.  John has been the recipient of many kicks while he's talking to her, the first time being a kick to his cheek as he was laying his face on my belly LOL... now THAT was an amazing moment. :)   I get to feel her/ be with her all day - so having those special moments between Dad and daughter is overwhelmingly joyous to witness.   She LOVES the sound of his voice - and get's super kicky when he's chatting with her.  Pretty adorable.   

I am 23 weeks and 2 days as of today, and am apparently in the 'honeymoon' phase of the 2nd able to run around, high energy, bump isn't 'too' big to be uncomfortable yet.  Most days all those things apply to me - and I for sure feel way more like myself lately - a fantastic little "mid-preg" gift!   

All that being said - there are things that I've been struggling with lately - even with all the happy tear inducing, and life changing moments (ie: feeling my DAUGHTER inside  

I am by nature a very active person - who enjoys running/biking/boot camp/feeling super strong etc.  The past almost 12 months - if not longer - have been dedicated to me getting pregnant and healthy and focusing not on ME so much as this little soon to be named/met person.   I have had and continue to have moments of feeling down on myself.  

Honestly...I liken myself to a big moo-cow, and I am missing being 'small'.   Looking at my jeans/pants/shirts/dresses and knowing that I would look like a sausage if I even attempted to put them on...
No one really tells you the emotional roller coaster that it is to have your body COMPLETELY change... and how depressing going to the mall will be.   Could just be me - but I enjoyed knowing my size ie: having it be steady and easy to shop for the most part.   I know its a small period of time to feel this way - and most often I love knowing I am growing my sweet baby girl, but I have my moments of feeling enormous and sorry for myself.  Then I feel guilty for feeling that way - for all the people I love who are unable to concieve or hold on to a pregnancy and think.... seriously girl?...buck UP and feel blessed every SINGLE day.    

Anywhoo, enough of that.... on a much happier note...Thanksgiving is coming up in a few days (which we are hosting...yipes! to come later)! 

Here are a list of things I am thankful for in my life... important to have perspective on how truely blessed I/we are:

  • wonderful families (both J's and mine) - immediate and extended...all over the US/Canada
  • health of my sweet baby girl
  • my health and ease of awful symptoms that some people have during pregnancy
  • being married to my best friend who I love more every day :)
  • great job (for the next month!)
  • beautiful new home for our growing family in a great neighborhood
  • food in our tummies and cabinets
  • fresh water
  • legs to run and jump
  • friends who love us and bring us such joy
  • my faith
  • our sweet friend/companion/playmate Gumbo who never ceases to make us smile :)
  • living in the northwest... such a magical place
  • ... so much more
So to everyone out there - be thankful.  Even if you feel like a moo cow most days (ie: me) or you are having a difficult time with work/life/friends/sig other - someone out there would LOVE to be in your shoes.... 

Sending love and thanks to you and yours from all of us.

Carly, J, Peanut and Gumbo

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Life Changing Moments

Life throws certain moments at you that seem to freeze your existence, and make you stop and marvel and the beauty and complexity of the world we live in.  

Moments that just floor you and you sit and say "I have to remember this...this is so incredibly important.." 

Today we went in for our 2nd ultrasound - and saw our sweet little one again.   This pregnancy has started to feel more real for both of us, for me especially because of all those little flutters and movements I am starting to feel.  Today we saw what is giving me those flutters and moving around.
I am not an overly emotional person - I don't cry very often and try to keep an even keel usually.   This pregnancy has brought me to tears many many times, for various and often sundry reasons.  But today was different - today I had tears streaming down my face looking at our beautiful perfect little baby.  Sweet, innocent little thing that will be in our life so soon, it's unbelievable.   We sat both awestruck at how much change and growth has happened since our last appointment.  It blew me away. 
Watching that heartbeat, strong and healthy, and the little hands and feet moving all over :)  It was the most in love I have ever felt in my life.   Sitting with the love of my life, my partner in every way, looking at our sweet baby.   There is nothing like it. 

SO... that being said... we did find out the gender - which brought me to tears and continues throughout the day as I think about it again.  I was surprised at my visceral reaction to the news - and how real it makes the entire process - being able to call the small person what they are and not 'it' or 'pumpkin'.  Although they are still my little pumpkin :) ....

We are waiting to tell everyone til we let our families know - but I had to share this incredible joy and overwhelming happiness knowing that I am a mom.   This... is what life is all about.


Thursday, October 14, 2010

17 Week Check-in and Adventure.....

Well... we have almost 18 weeks down little one :)  Doing great so far - you're growing like a little weed (or whatever little fruit they say you are this week...) and getting both John and I REALLY excited to meet you in person.   The next few weeks will bring more wiggles and pokes from you - and apparently you will start to actually have some umph behind your kicks and punches!  Looking so much forward to really feeling you.  

Pretty amazing to think that time has flown by so much - it's almost 1/2 way through this pregnancy...and so much has happened in such a short time.   Houses were purchased (closing Nov. 5th!), lots of long talks about our future and where we'd like to be in 5 -10 years.  It's been an adventure so far and it's only just beginning.

Speaking of adventures...this mama is craving some FUN.  I feel like I've been sick...and so sleepy for the past few months and as a usually very active person this is kinda crazy making.   That being said - all kinds of 'responsibilities' are waiting for us... like actually packing for our move (LOL) and JB has school to work on that is taking up a ton of his time these days.    I guess I'm just craving a good weekend away... time to relax and have fun... be around friends and laugh and do something adventurous.   Maybe that's me feeling like I need last hoorah's before our sweet little one arrives.   Knowing FULL well our world will then be revolving around them - and filing them with as much love as humanly possible.   Which is a pretty awesome thing :)   Just very different from a fairly easy and carefree life we live now.

In any case - that's what's on my mind these days - wondering how other mom-to-be's feel - and how they come to a peaceful 'just right' place.  

Well... we go in for our gender ultrasound this next week and we are both dying to know what the little one will be.... I keep going back and forth with my prediction - and I'm trying not to get anything set in my mind either way.  It will most definitely make it more real.... :)   Not that the large belly isn't clue enough ;) LOL...

Speaking of... here is our little peanut in all its glory.... in my belly ;)

Much love


Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Butterfly Wings....16 weeks and counting


It's Wednesday...almost Friday thank goodness...and the Peanut is growing like crazy.  I can't believe in a few short weeks we'll find out what our little one is....boy or girl!

I've put on hold any registering due to the fact that #1: I want to know blue or pink! and #2....we bought a HOUSE and are moving in a month (holycow!)
Big changes around the Buwalda house... 

Here is an updated 'belly' picture of me and the little rascal:
I am thoroughly enjoying my new little 'bump' opposed the the 'plump' that I have been sporting for the past few months.  I'm definitely looking pregnant now - which is lovely and something that all mom's can understand and appreciate :)  

The past few weeks have been say the least.  We are quickly approaching the holidays, and figuring out plans for the next 5 or so months until the Peanut arrives.  Time is FLYING by.  And as I said above:  We bought a HOUSE.  Like...big kid decisions going on these days.  I'm thrilled - I can't wait to move in - and am still in a bit of shock that we bit the bullet. :)   Scary times - but amazing all the same.   Knowing our little one will have a beautiful, safe and fun home and neighborhood to live in is so worth it.   

I've been feeling little 'flutters' of activity in my belly - and yes they do feel like someone is tickling me, or softly touching me with a feather...that's how I can best describe it.  I can't wait until we are able to really feel the baby moving - and have John feel kicks - that will be a beautiful thing.   I'm sure I'll rescind that comment after I am pummeled in the ribs and bladder for hours on end ;) LOL

I've been trying to get on a regular fitness routine - and back in the saddle to lift on a weekly basis.  I feel so much better and more like 'myself' when I am on a schedule.   And am going to start taking pilates twice a week - which I have heard helps with labor and honestly....getting this body back in fighting shape after our little one graces us with its presence....:)

Oh a random note - I've been listening to the Vince Guaraldi Trio Charlie Brown Christmas Pandora station all day and am loving how calming and happy it is... :)  Early?  Probably.... but if it makes you smile I say go for it and enjoy.

Lots of love,

Carly and Peanut

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

13 Weeks... 2nd Trimester Here I Come! :)

Hello Sweet Peanut...

You are growing like a weed these days - from what I can tell in the books :) Your body is growing to catch up with your head, and your organs are forming too...even your little ears can hear us talking to you. :) Speaking of hearing - we talk to you all the time - your dad always gives my belly kisses and tells you good morning and good night and how much we love you. I can't wait to feel you moving around more - only a month or two til I can feel you pushing back!
So far your mom hasn't been feeling 'too' bad... mornings are usually the worst for feeling sick. I bet you like your sleep as much as I do - and that's what the cause is. The next few weeks will continue to get easier for me and my energy will be much higher :)

We saw you in in ultrasound about a week ago....and heard your little heartbeat... That was one of the most AMAZING moments of our lives. You look fantastic - and were bouncing around and waving your arms and legs. :) it seems like yesterday you were just the size of a grain of you are the size of a peach!
We still can't believe we have created a little person. Your dad and I loved each other so much that we wanted to show the world the ultimate sign of that love... creating YOU!

Well...until we meet in March, I hope you are snug and feeling good with all the good nourishment and love we are giving you - and continue to grow strongly and safely.
You are SO loved!


Thursday, July 29, 2010

In the beginning there was 2...

Actually...if you want to get technical ... there was actually '3' in the beginning if you count Gumbo, our long-legged wiener dog...

But that's neither here nor there...

(Ahem) Back to our story.

JB and I started our journey together many moons ago - meeting and subsequently falling head over heels in love. Sharing adventure after adventure - overnight hiking trips, jetting to Hawaii (twice!), touring through Thailand, conquering Whistler mountain... and countless weekend warrior events. To say we are busy people is kind of an understatement.

SO... we thought MAN we love doing all this fun stuff...what would be a HUGE adventure that we could both share in and would reeeeeally take us outside of our comfort zones....


Oh yes. Kids. Let's make more of us! We're pretty cool. We'd make some little Olympic athletes for SURE!

And so we thought ok - lets do this thing.

And we waited. And waited. And tried. And tried again.

Still nothing.

Doctor visits ensued and many months later we decided to go ahead with doing a fertility treatment. Scary in and of itself (have you ever given yourself a shot...ok don't answer that...) it was quite the physically and emotionally draining process. We both were pretty drained by the whole thing.

A few rounds later - my birthday is upon us (June 27th) - and much to my chagrin our treatment falls on this day. Which is a lovely way to spend your birthday (THANKS VERY FREAKIN' MUCH Mother Nature....) Sadly, JB is away at a retreat and has to come into town to do his part (not our finest moment) and I have to do the actual procedure by myself.

For some reason this time feels different. I think...I think we may have done it.

My body ... (which as I sit here now is 200 times crazier then I ever thought possible)... just felt like something big was happening.

So. I put it out of my head. As much as possible. But as they coined it "the dreaded two week wait" - I have to say it's pretty brutal. Your mind plays tricks on you. You feel like every little twinge or bloat means it worked!! Or ...It didn't work! You drive yourself batty.

But here comes that morning....the 14th day... We sit in our bathroom waiting another 3 minutes for our answer and are hugging... saying encouraging things like "If this doesn't work its ok, everything happens for a reason... etc."

And then JB looks down at the stick and says, '...HOLY (rhymes with "pit")....'

And then I look at the stick with utter shock and disbelief.

Holy ___, Baby... we did it....!

I will never forget that precious moment of realization - and knowing it is a memory that only we have and can cherish forever. The moment our lives changed. Dramatically.

Ever the voice of reason I remind him that its not firm until I do the blood test....and this could be a false positive. All the while completely freaking out inside and trying to retain a calm exterior.

A mix of emotions go through your head if you've been trying for a while to get pregnant. A part of you thinks its never going to happen. And part of you resigns to that fact and tries to prepare your body and mind for the inevitable. So when it actually happens its a mixed bag. There's happiness, shock, overwhelm, and then denial.

I was in denial. I didn't believe it. Until we got that blood test back. Actually - even after the blood test. And even today as I sit here at almost 7 weeks. Part of me in still in denial. Its crazy.... you can't even fathom that you have a LIFE growing inside you.

Literally right now it feels like I have eaten 10 thanksgiving dinners and drank 8 bottles of wine and am the most bloated and hung over I have ever been in my life....every day. Just to give you a hint as to how it feels during the first glorious trimester. :)

Joy? Yes. Has it hit me that I (god willing) will be a Mom in 7.5 months? Not really.

Still floating around in the idea that I've just got a bad stomach bug...that I have to avoid alcohol and unpasteurized cheese for.....

But every single moment is worth it. This is amazing. I seriously can't believe we will have a little person thats part of both of us in our arms next March.

Certainly our biggest adventure to date.